The Funeral...

No matter how much you think you are prepared for a funeral, fate smacks you in the face to let you know you had no friggin idea. Dec 22nd was the toughest day of my life to date. Friends and family all around, yet it felt like I was all alone struggling to get through the funeral of my mom. The lost empty feeling was so strong and so much to bear. My dad next to me trying to put on a brave face, but even he felt the difficulty of the day. How do you really say goodbye to someone that has been so much a part of your life..how do you really accept the fact that she is gone? To see the picture of her up there and the flowers all around it, took my breath away. Such an overwhelming and helpless feeling. All the kind words, and the caring people were no consolation on a day like this. All I wanted to do was run out of there and get away. The urge was so strong and it was hard to try and make it through it all. Terrible day and terrible holiday. Merry fucking Xmas. How do you enjoy a holiday when you lose your mom/wife two days before? It's just not possible. Not only that, but then you are expected to go on with normal day to day life. Yeah right...