Crazy Week..

Busy week so far, so not a whole lot of time to bore my blog to death with any postings. ha-

Isn't "guilt" interesting? I am totally going to do something tonight that I REALLY do not want to do, but I feel I should. Sooo I am doing it. I hate feeling like that. I wish I could just not give a shit and do what I want. BUT then I guess that isn't reality is it? I feel obligated sometimes, and I hate that. Even though I know I should go, and I know it's the "good" thing to do, I don't care. I don't want to go. What I don't want to go to is irrelevant really because this type of feeling can be felt for a plethora of situations in life. However, I will make one more comment about tonight. I have to wear a "company" shirt because this event is for work. Well the T-shirt is not comfortable at all, and will probably cut off the circulation to my lower extremities by the end of the evening...I wish they would realize that there are some employees that are a bit on the "thick" side. :) And adjust the company logo shirts accordingly.
I am just a complainer today I guess. Could be a long night.... Oh did I mention it is out of town?... and that I have to ride in a company van with a bunch of people I really don't care to give the time of day to? Thank goodness my best bud Kel is going along too. That will help a lot.
I know life is filled with a bunch of things you don't necessarily want to do but have to do. But I think having life be filled with a bunch of things that you WANT to do and HAVE to do sounds much better to me! :) Ok I will quit dreaming now and get back to reality!

TGIF..

Yahoo...Friday...
It is amazing how much a person can look forward to a measily little 2 days off. But when Friday hits, my mood improves, I have a little extra jump in my step, and the world just seems like a better place. ha:)
Working out last night...nothing to note new as far as "eye candy".. But it was a good workout none the less. My left buttcheek feels like it got worked, but not my right buttcheek... ha-hmm wonder what happened there? Could it be cuz I am left handed???ha-ok maybe not.
My hydromassage package is gone. I used the last session last weekend. Totally bummed because they advertised that package as first time users only. Sooo I thought I was going to be stuck paying full price to "get massaged". Well turns out I CAN purchase another package. The packages have become so popular that they decided to let people buy them again if they want. Yahoo.. too cool...Sometimes life can be good! :)
I never had HBO when "Sex in the City" was on there....so I am a "Sex in the City" virgin catching the repeat episodes on WB and TBS. I love it. What a cool show. I sort of feel like Sarah Jessica Parker (aka Carrie Bradshaw) when I am writing on my blog. ha - only she is much more interesting and has a lot better stuff to write about than I do. Oh well... that's life. 4 women with completely different personalities, yet they are the best of friends. That's what life is all about. You don't have to have the same personality to connect with someone. Sometimes it's better that you are different I think.
Speaking of friends, I have this old friend that has been trying to reconnect with me. Turns out she is going to be moving back to the area where I live. Ya know, I just don't know that I want to go there. We are completely different people than we were back then, and I know now what a true friend is, and she wasn't one of them. If we were meant to be lifelong buddies, we would have kept in touch. That didn't happen. She was what I would call a user. I was her friend because I could provide her "this and that, that and this"....It was always about her. I just don't need that sort of hassle in my life now. BUT how do you nicely tell someone that? That is the million dollar question. Maybe she's changed, but I doubt it. Anyway, enough of that.
What else can I ramble on about today? Oh "TheMole" will be glad to hear that my stove top fetish has slowed down. I still love the shit but don't feel the need to eat it every evening as I had been. Sooo looks like the addiction isn't really anything to be too concerned about. ha :)

I Must Admit.....Again....

Ok....last night it was this cute little trainer guy that caught my interest. After he was done with his training session with one of the members, he decides to work out. Well he had shorts on and he sure has some nice legs on him. He's a little shorty but my he has some NICE legs.
This working out thing? Isn't as bad as I thought.. I should have done it a lot earlier! ha :)

I Must Admit...

The first think that attracts me to a guy is his eyes. I have always been that way. I love eyes. But lately I must admit I am liking another part of a guy's anatomy. I am becoming an ass person. I have to admit it. There are so many different types of asses out there. I don't like the "bubble butt" asses, or the flat asses. I like the asses that fill out a pair of jeans real nice but not too much. Not into the real beefed up asses either, although they are nice. I was working out the other day, riding away on the stationary bike, and this guy hops on the the arc trainer right in front of me. He wasn't beefed up by any means, but had a nice body. The thing that got me though was his ass. Man, it was perfect. Perfectly filled out the black sport shorts that he had on. Not too bulky or bubbly, but not flat either. It was an awesome view for my 30 minute bike ride. ha -the time went so fast :) Damn anyway...:)

Monday's...

Ever have one of those mornings? Where you just feel like you should have stayed in bed? Well that was me this morning. I was running late to start with which never helps. I pull out of my garage, and head to work, only to realize I forgot something. So I headed back and picked up the paperwork I needed. That was strike one....
Strike two was getting to work onlly to see that my normal parking spot was anything but normal. There was some light snow on the ground and the people on both sides of me didn't leave me enough room to park in my spot. So I had to park along side the parking lot.
Strike three was getting out of my vehicle and spilling capucchino on my shirt.... LOVELY...
I think it was at this point that I seriously thought about getting back in my vehicle, going home, and calling in sick. ha
Well the workday is now almost over, and after that shaky start it didn't end up too bad. I perservered through the strike's and the day got better after that.
Hopefully the workout will end my day on a good note.

I Miss Me..

There's this country singer, Brad Cotter. He has this song "I Miss Me".
"I miss me, I'm not the same, just someone else using my name"..... That's how I feel sometimes. I don't even feel like the same person somedays. The last few years have changed me so much. Yes I have allowed that to happen I guess, but I just don't even recognize myself. I look the same overall, other than a few more grays, and a few more wrinkles. But my personality? Well that's another story. I use to be fun. I use to enjoy things. It just seems like such a struggle to be like that again. I don't remember it being so much work before, and I am sure it wasn't, because I use to enjoy life. So it came more naturally to me. Now it takes effort. Maybe someday it won't take so much effort, and maybe someday soon I will recognize myself again.

Latest Food Obsession....

I have documented my "stove top stuffing" obsession. Well the latest thing I am hooked on for lunch is these South Beach wrap packages. YUM...and handy. I was at the grocery store and they were on sale. So I thought I would try them. How cool these are. They come with two wheat wraps, and all the ingredients you need. Cheese, meats, dressing or may, and even a little container of jello for dessert. Awesome. I am all about convenience. I am sure you could buy all the individual stuff and make the same wraps cheaper, but why? I love having it all ready for me and I just open er up, make my wrap and eat. How cool!
Way to go South Beach and Kraft....

Happy Anniversary to Me...

Well today would have been my 16th wedding anniversary, if I was still married. Why is it that days just stick with you and totally affect your mood? I felt great yesterday, had an awesome workout, and an overall productive day. But today? Feel like I am walking around with cement blocks on for shoes. I am sure some of you optimists are saying, "you have control over your mood", or "just don't let it get you down". I am just not that type of person. Wish I was. I can't help but reflect on what was, what is and what could have been. Certain days or dates in your life are just going to be like that. My "would have been" anniversary day is like that. I can't help it.
Hard to believe it has been two years already since my divorce. In some aspects it seems like just yesterday. In other ways it seems like a lifetime ago. The feelings are still as fresh as ever, but the toll it has taken on me feels like a lifetime worth. It has changed me forever. I am a completely different person than I was back then. I don't have the rose colored glasses on anymore, and in fact, don't even own a pair anymore. :) Some people may call me a pesimist, but I prefer to call myself a realist. Life isn't what I thought it was going to be when I was growing up. I was so excited to get out into the real world and experience it all. Boy can real life curb that excitement.
Now that I know that, I live my life differently. Some people would call it safe or not living at all, but I am just not capable of putting myself out there anymore. Maybe someday, but I am in control of my feelings and emotions. No one is going to "rock my world" like that again. It's just too painful and hard to recover from. Call that what you like...safe, not living, coward...whatever. But to me it is survival..... Happy Anniversary Honey...:)

What a Workout...

I was frickin possessed last night. I would have to say that was the best workout I have had since I started this whole "working out" thing. I was motivated, and I just felt good while I was killing myself. ha
I wish every time could be like that. It was fun. I did cardio and weights, and I just felt awesome. I looked like I was going to die, but I felt great. Anyway, it was a good workout. I went home afterwards and even got my taxes done already. Yippee... Working out just makes me feel better and more motivated. It would be nice if I had dropped about 50 pounds already too, but as long as I feel better, that's the main thing I guess.
I realize it is much better and productive if I do the "bitch" first. (Arc trainer). Get her out of the way, and move on to the other things. I need a lot of energy to "do" her...so to speak.. :) So before I get tired from other things, I need to "get er done."

The Voice...

"The phone rang, and as she looked at it, her heart sank. She recognized the number and knew it was him. Should she pick it or not she thought? Finally she answered. She heard....
The voice she hadn't heard in months....
The voice she had heard over and over for years and years.......
The voice that made her laugh...
The voice that calmed her when she needed it......
The voice that reasoned with her when no one else could......
The voice that got her to believe....
The voice that got her to trust.....
The voice that got her to love.....
The voice that got her to think in terms of forever......
The voice that broke her heart out of nowhere one fateful day......
The voice that made her realize things would never be the same again...
The voice that she wanted to hate so bad...
The voice that in spite of breaking her heart, she still longed to hear again.....
As she listened about the "non important" stuff he was talking about, she couldn't help but feel the sadness surface again that she had felt so much over these last few years. The voice still sounded the same, but life was nowhere near the same, and never would be again."

Workout Update...

Well it has been a little over two months now since I started working out. I really enjoy it and I never thought I would. I feel so much better when I go. Except last night. Wow what a struggle. For some reason it felt like it was the first time I was there. I felt like I was going to die. One thing I hate and will never get use to is the whole "sweating" in public thing. It just bugs me. Probably because I tend to sweat and get "red faced" more than the average person. Even if I am not dying. I can be totally under control in a workout and just kicking ass, and I still look like I am about to croak. I am just self conscious about stupid stuff like that. I wish I was one of those that exercised gracefully. You know the type; they can work out for hours and you can't tell it by looking at them. Bitches.... ha
Anyway, I haven't lost tons of weight... but my clothes fit me better. Even a little "loose". (the clothes not me) :) Oh hell who am I trying to fool....that sums up me AND my clothes. ha
I wish there was a way for the workout gods to give you a little teaser of weight loss right away. People would be so much more committed if they could see some visable results early on.
The gym is right across from work. So there are starting to be more fellow employees working out there now. That sort of bugs me too. When they see me at work, they see me at my best. (Or as good as it is going to get anyway). I just don't like the thought of them seeing me at my worst. Oh well.... fuck em. It will give them something to talk about I guess. Not that they need any help in that area. ha
You know I say fuck em...but I still care and still don't want them seeing me at my worst...Stupid but true.

Thanks..

Thanks to "TheMole" for visting my blog, and telling me that it isn't boring.... But that he was concerned about my stove top stuffing fetish. ha -I am concerned too mole.. very concerned. ha-I have heard of many fetishes that I would MUCH rather have than "stove top stuffing". :)
Anyway, thanks for the feedback, and good luck winning a game or two. :) I read a study that said stove top stuffing is good for a person's endorphins. May want to give it a try! ha :)

Flower Photo...

This is one of the first "good" pictures I had the priviledge of taking. From that point on, I was hooked.