Time Will Tell.....

She woke up, rolled over as she has done so many times over the last few years, expecting him to be there only to remember that he wasn't. She continued to lay in bed, lost in her own thoughts. Would she ever be able to let anyone into her heart ever again? Does she want to? Can she ever get past the pain and hurt to allow that to happen? Or is the door shut forever? Maybe some things are just better left alone. One thing she knew was that even though it has been over 2 years, the hurt, the pain, and the disappointment were still so much a part of her life. She can't imagine opening herself up to that sort of pain ever again. Why risk being made a fool of again?
She dreams of the possibility. Having someone that you feel so connected to, someone who you can't imagine living without. Someone who is there for you whenever you need them, and even when you don't. Someone to laugh with, cry with, and plan your future with.
Then she realizes that she had that, and that no matter how much you think it is forever, there are no guarantees. All the promises and commitments in the world don't mean shit. Cuz they can change on a dime. The reality of it hits her again, and the possibility is gone. So, for now, she continues to go through her days, feeling as little as she can, and depending on no one but herself. The thoughts of possiblities, hopes and dreams are gone.
The door is definitely closed again.....

Oh yeah...

This is my newfound love. The Hydromassage bed. I am addicted. It is awesome. I have never been able to get myself to go to and get a massage. I just feel too self conscious I think and would have trouble relaxing while they were doing it. I'd be worrying about what fat roll was hanging out etc. So when I heard the ad on the radio about this, I thought why not. Well I love it. Two thumbs up!!!

Eating Trends...

It is so interesting to me to see myself and my eating habits. I am one of those people who gets addicted to something and then I eat it all the time until I get sick of it.. My latest is Stove Top Stuffing. I love that shit... YUMMY! I am probably going on about 2 months now where I have it about 3 times a week. That handy dandy "single serving" container that they have now is COOL. For one person like myself, it is just too easy and too convenient. Chicken is my favorite. What do I have with it? Well last night was probably my all time low. I had hotdogs with it. ha . Two ball park franks...no buns... Sounds like a weird combination.. but damn good!
Usually I will have a grilled cheese sandwich with it, or a chicken breast or something...but not last night... just me, two ball parks, and stuffing... ha

Happy Birthday...

It's my X's birthday today. Why, after everything that has happened, and all the time that has passed, why do I still feel the need to call and wish him a happy birthday?? Why, why, why??? I just don't get it. Actually I do. I spent 14 years of my life with this man, and even though he ended it, I still feel things for him. I miss being a part of his daily life. I wish I didn't, but I do. Just because he didn't want to be a part of my daily life doesn't mean that I can just feel the same way. To be a part of a person's everyday life for that long is so significant. Someday's I still feel like a part of me is missing. I don't know if you ever get over that. I sure hope so, cuz I don't like the feeling. Well since I probably won't allow myself to call him, Happy Birthday Dave.

Boring...

I realize how boring my blog is. I have been reading a lot of other blogs and boy there are some interesting, whitty, and funny people out there. That's why I haven't written lately. I have been trying to come up with something original, or wait for something exciting to happen in my life. ha... I could be waiting a long time for that to happen. :) Well since that isn't going to happen I guess I will just have to continue writing anyway. I do like to get my thoughts down and although they may not be glamorous or exciting, and mainly depressing, they are my thoughts none the less.

Christmas Lights...

It is so interesting to me to drive around this time of year and look at people's christmas lights. Some people are so meticulous. There is a specific plan, and it looks so organized and nice. Everything coordinates, and the colors all make sense. Then you get those people who have no method to their madness. Lights are anywhere and everywhere. Anywhere they can attach them there they are. Looks like they had some sort of moment of insanity and just went crazy....Some of these houses could light up the whole street. It's funny to me in a way. Bless them for being in the Christmas spirit I guess, but wow...
Me? Well I am not really a Christmas spirit person, but I do have a string of lights up around the frame of my house, and a few of the lighted christmas trees in my yard.

Grey's Anatomy Rules...

I love this show. I never was a big "ER" fan so I didn't expect to really like this one either. I just tuned in because of Patrick D. I have always liked him and his acting. I love the characters in this show. All unique but all interesting; and even a little quirky. I use to be a HUGE Ally McBeal fan too because of that same reason. I miss that show that's for sure. Can't even get any of the season's on DVD or VHS either. I wish they would put them out. They do for every other show. Anyway, for now, Grey's Anatomy is filling the bill. Hopefully they continue to keep it offbeat, and interesting.