Borrowed Time...

Borrowed time is a crazy thing....you are thankful for it in a way, but know that eventually it will end. It can lull you into a fall sense of calmness. Some days even seem normal. The diagnosis hasn't changed, but knowing today isn't the day, creates a reprieve of sorts. One day leads to the next, and before you know it a week has gone by and nothing bad has been brought to your attention. Another week of borrowed time. Even though you still think about her every day, when nothing bad happens, it can be pushed back in your mind. Never far from the surface, but just far enough where some normalcy can happen for a bit. Even though you like the feeling of it, the feeling of guilt tries to ruin it. Sometimes it succeeds. And sometimes you fail, and the normalcy you feel disappears and the borrowed time becomes less and less. Hearing things that remind you of just how dismal the situation is shocks you back to reality. Tears remind you that as nice as the borrowed time felt, that's really all it is...."borrowed time."