Well today would have been my 16th wedding anniversary, if I was still married. Why is it that days just stick with you and totally affect your mood? I felt great yesterday, had an awesome workout, and an overall productive day. But today? Feel like I am walking around with cement blocks on for shoes. I am sure some of you optimists are saying, "you have control over your mood", or "just don't let it get you down". I am just not that type of person. Wish I was. I can't help but reflect on what was, what is and what could have been. Certain days or dates in your life are just going to be like that. My "would have been" anniversary day is like that. I can't help it.
Hard to believe it has been two years already since my divorce. In some aspects it seems like just yesterday. In other ways it seems like a lifetime ago. The feelings are still as fresh as ever, but the toll it has taken on me feels like a lifetime worth. It has changed me forever. I am a completely different person than I was back then. I don't have the rose colored glasses on anymore, and in fact, don't even own a pair anymore. :) Some people may call me a pesimist, but I prefer to call myself a realist. Life isn't what I thought it was going to be when I was growing up. I was so excited to get out into the real world and experience it all. Boy can real life curb that excitement.
Now that I know that, I live my life differently. Some people would call it safe or not living at all, but I am just not capable of putting myself out there anymore. Maybe someday, but I am in control of my feelings and emotions. No one is going to "rock my world" like that again. It's just too painful and hard to recover from. Call that what you like...safe, not living, coward...whatever. But to me it is survival..... Happy Anniversary Honey...:)
1 comment:
Like I said, I guess everyone has a "day or days" in their life they would just as soon skip over or sleep through. Thanks for sharing.
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