It Can't Be Happening.....

She just kept rubbing her eyes hoping it was all a bad dream. But it wasn't. Her dad was in the hopital and it wasn't going to be a quick fix. There before her stood a mother who missed her husband and caregiver and was worried. This woman who use to be so independent and strong, was now a shadow of her former self. Alheimer's had taken that woman away forever. She was now scared, needy and unsure about everything. Four long days went by. The daughter hardly slept, not really realizing the stuff her father had dealt with the last few years. Not that it was the mother's fault, but this woman was very needy and unable to do alot of things on her own. Tears came to her eyes as she thought about it but she had to push them aside as to not worry the mother. She had to get back to work, but who was going to take care of mom? How were they going to get through this? Even if dad recovers, he probably won't be able to take care of her on his own anymore. That realization had ben coming, the family knew it. But how can a family put a mother in a home? The thought made her sick to her stomach.
The decision had to be made. At least until it was determined how dad was going to be. He needed time to take care of himself for a change. She couldn't bring herself to do it so her brother and his wife did the deed.
The first visit was miserable. How sad to see all those people there with nothing really to look forward to. She met her mom's eyes at that point and the tears flowed from both of them. Confused and scared the mother was looking to the daughter for some sense of this whole mess. But she had none. All she could do was try to comfort her as best she could. It was hard to put one foot in front of the other as it was time to leave. In one aspect she didn't want to go, but in another aspect she wanted to run as fast as she could and never return. How was she going to be able to visit regularily? It zapped every ounce of energy out of her, and killed her to see her mother in a place like that. The staff was great and loved her mom but still. It just wasn't right. It just wasn't fair.